1.               Every conversation with your friends starts with "I've a great idea for the game."

2.               You have the galactic map as the background on your computer.

3.               You have Marcus' number on speed dial.

4.               It's never TI or Tech Infantry anymore, it's "the game".

5.               You're about to do a cee-fractional strike on your neighbor's cat, when you realized that your plasma phalanx isn't recharged, and your velocity coefficient isn't properly set.

6.               You understood what that last one meant.

7.               You need to know the specs on what kind of transport your character's in.

8.               Three pages a week is "not enough room" for your story.

9.               You use your name and your character's name interchangeably.

10.           Other people use your name and your character's name interchangeably.

11.           Writing your backstory is more important than writing your orders.

12.           Your significant other groans every time you say "So I was talking to Marcus about the game..."

13.           You create names and hull numbers for every ship in the Earth Fleet.

14.           The word "deadline" holds new meaning.

15.           Eastern Europe is not your first thought when someone mentions the "Eastern Bloc".

16.           You fear not the Hand of God, but the Pen of Marcus.

17.           Writing this week's act takes priority over your homework... or life.

18.           You get in heated debates over smuggling and jumpgate technology in Indian restaurants.

19.           You start dreaming about killing Rashid King.

20.           You want to BE Rashid King.

21.           You are watching Babylon 5, and you think, "Hey, that would be a cool concept to use in the TI game..."

22.           You are reading this week's TI results, and you think, "Hey, that would be a cool concept for a Babylon 5 fanfic..."

23.           You have seriously contemplated a long road trip to beat up a fellow player for something they did in the game.

24.           You have actually taken a four-day trip to sit around and talk TI with your fellow players, because it's cheaper than your phone bill would be.

25.           You finally get your first job in almost two years, and you insist on having Wednesday off to write your orders.

26.           You are an atheist, but you start working pro-religious biblical analogies into your story because it fits your character concept.

27.           You are religious, but you start studying Nietschze and Machiavelli to make your character more believably evil.

28.           Your screen name on Yahoo chat is the same as one of the character names... but not yours.

29.           Your screen name on Yahoo chat is the name of a TI-universe character who has been dead for over a century, game time.

30.           You seriously contemplate using the Spectrum Wars rules for a TI-universe PBEM galactic-conquest strategy game.

31.           You download a bootleg editor program for Master of Orion II: Battle at Antares, specifically so you can recreate the Third Civil War of the TI universe.

32.           You have actually created and PLAYED a scenario for Empire Deluxe and/or Civilization II based on the TI universe map.

33.           You find an image on an internet porn website of a beautiful woman in a latex admiral's uniform and holding two pistols, and you turn it into a recruiting poster of Auntie Sarah.

34.           You write a multi-volume fanfic crossover story involving the TI universe and Muppet Babies.

35.           You have left more than one death threat on Marcus' answering machine after he did particularly nasty things to your character.

36.           You have run up over $100 in long-distance charges just from game-related phone calls.

37.           You start correcting professional astrophysicists on internet forums, based on research you did for your TI-related website.

38.           You start thinking of who would play the various characters if the TI story is ever made into a movie, and actually start making tentative cast lists.

39.           You have emailed Marcus with several potential quotes to be used at the top of the next act.

40.           You read every back issue of the various newsletters from Spectrum Wars looking for plot ideas for the game.

41.           You have received more than one death threat left on YOUR answering machine from other players annoyed at what you did to their players, or what you did to a potential plotline they were working on.

42.           You have actually called up another player with the intent of talking them into letting you kill, wound, mind control, or otherwise screw with their character.

43.           You have actually called up another player with the intent of talking THEM into killing, wounding, mind controlling, or otherwise screwing with your character to further your plot.

44.           You started reading Sun-Tzu, Clausewitz, and/or Alfred Thayer Mahan to aid you in formulating your military strategy for the Third Civil War.

45.           You started reading college-level physics textbooks to improve your technobabble when trying to convince Marcus, Bax, and/or Martin to let you do something cool technology-wise.

46.           You actually bought more than one rulebook for Vampire: The Masquerade, Werewolf: The Apocalypse, or Mage: The Ascension, not to play those games, but just to improve your grasp of the setting and rules for magic in the TI Universe.

47.           You have saved every file on all three official and semi-official websites for the game, and burned them onto a CD-RW disk, and have hand-drawn cover art for the jewel case to make it look like a store-bought video game.

48.           You searched through film websites on the internet for pictures of actors you think resemble the various characters, and sent a photomontage of those pics to the other players.

49.           You have ever sat up at night, unable to sleep, spending over an hour worrying over how you can possibly work a reference to the Harry Potter books into the game.

50.           You have ever considered sending an email to a professional sci-fi author to ask his permission to use one of his character's names for the game.

51.           When talking to another player, you both slip in and out between using your character names and your real names, and neither of you is confused by this.

52.           You've ever recorded an in-character conversation with another player, and used a transcription of that conversation as part of your orders.

53.           You have been late to work because you were up far too late, not working on your orders, not working on your background information, but working on background information for ANOTHER character.

54.           You've ever worked on the story for that week while at work.

55.           You've ever worried whether the game will continue if Marcus gets another job and moves overseas.

56.           You have not only collected all stories so far in one binder, but you made up an artistic cover for this so you can pretend it is a professionally-published book.

57.           You have ever set up an internet chat with a professional author and tried to talk him into reading the website for the story.

58.           You have ever sent emails to a professional sci-fi artist and tried to talk him into creating artwork for use on your TI website.

59.           You have actually successfully accomplished either of the two previous items.

60.           You have made notes for a crossover between Tech Infantry and Winnie the Pooh .

61.           You have ever inserted a cameo appearance by one of your former characters in your current storyline.

62.           You have ever inserted a cameo appearance by another player's former character in your current storyline.

63.           One of your previous characters has a ship in Earth Fleet named after him.

64.           When planning a particularly devious action in the game, you visit www.eviloverlord.com to make sure you're not about to make a mistake.

65.           Your sexual fantasies start to include women with prehensile tails.

66.           Your dirty sexual fantasies start to include Veolin.

67.           You stop watching porn because it reminds you too strongly of Xinjao O'Reilly.

68.           You start watching Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda, and immediately start thinking of which TI characters most remind you of members of the cast.

69.           You know what "Don't Fuck with Physics!" means.

70.           You start actually catching the "hints" and "clues" buried in Treschi's story.

71.           You start reading books because other players named their characters after characters in those books.

72.           You start reading books on the Bolshevik Revolution for hints on how to fight a civil war on multiple fronts.

73.           You've ever criticized Frank for making your character in TI Babies do something out of character.

74.           You are watching Babylon 5, and you think Bester works for InSec.

75.           You're reading the Honor Harrington books, and you stop reading them because you know the head of InSec is Herbert Gergenstein, not Oscar St. Just.

76.           You have ever named a secondary character in your story after a character in a story you originally wrote in the seventh grade.

77.           Your character has a more successful love life than you do.

78.           You have ever begged, wheedled, and cajoled Marcus into letting you do something with your character, then left a death threat on his answering machine after he finally lets you do it two weeks later.

79.           You watch Wolf, and wonder why Jack Nicholson wasn't immediately drafted into the army once he became a werewolf.

80.           For every item on this list, it either applies to you personally, or you can identify which other player it refers to.


Text Copyright © 2000 by Marcus Johnston & Martin Hohner.  All Rights Reserved.

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