Newsletter #6: Free Net Newscast - Headlines for July 4th, 2265

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ANNOUNCER

 (intro music) This is FNN – the Free Net Newscast for July 4^th, 2265. And now—the Rest of the Story, with Lance Cannon.

LANCE

Thank you for tuning in to FNN, your source for news!  That’s right, Lance Cannon here, once again giving you… the rest of the story.  This is an exciting night for us, because we’re at the brand-new, recently built Imperial Palace here in Avalon.  It’s the Emperor’s grand opening—

VOICES

Praise be upon Him who saves us from the Caal!

LANCE

Er… right.  Anyway, for such a big event, security is tight; we barely got in with our equipment intact!

HORSE

If you call a microphone and a Net feed “equipment…”

LANCE

Now, now… let’s not take people behind the curtain, Horse.  This is the magic of Netcasting…

HORSE

Hey, as long as I’m getting paid, I don’t mind.

LANCE

Uh, I need to talk to you later about that.  But first, let’s have the headlines!

HORSE

(intro BBC music) Chairman Smythe has agreed to new elections for the Federation Senate in six months.  The Grand Council hopes this will answer the concerns of the Red Spring.  Rebel fighters in Phoenix, Abel, and Seth have agreed to a cease-fire until elections are held.

The Bug advance has been stopped for the moment.  A sudden change in Arachnid behavior allowed defenders on Deseret and Chalfont to fight back the Bugs.  No more recent attacks have been detected.

The Imperial Fleet reports that a major battle is taking place off Epsilon against the Republican Navy.  Preliminary reports indicate that the Terran Republic forces split during the battle and allowed the Imperial Fleet to defeat them piecemeal.

 

Van Diemen declares its independence from the Empire.  Their new president, Dr. John Tyler, has declared a Free State for the system.  Their independence has been recognized by the Federation.

Sarma has been liberated by the Federation.  The Jurvain offensive has seemed to have been stopped in its tracks.

And finally, the Jennifer’s Star Scyrs have seized the FedEx FedBall Cup, dominating the League with their incredible season.  However, the Champions League has announced they are suspending play until hostilities have ceased.  (end BBC music)

LANCE

And don’t forget, the Grand Opening of the Imperial Palace, where we are tonight!  If you’ve got a invite or a bribe the size of Earth’s old moon, stop on by and say hello.

HORSE

Uh, yes.  That too.

LANCE

It never hurts to advertise.  Speaking of which, we need to pause for the cause.  We’ll be back after a word from our sponsor.

(Start Commercial)

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(end Commercial)

HORSE

What the hell was that?

LANCE

That’s our new sponsor!  So let’s talk about Smythe…

HORSE

The Sabbat are our sponsor now?

LANCE

(stage whisper)  You wanna get paid tonight?  Shut up!  (normal voice)  So what’s with Smythe dealing with these rebel scum?

HORSE

The Red Spring spread quickly through the former Ministry worlds a few months ago.  Chairman Smythe is trying to keep the Federation together, and after four worlds have broken away from the nation, he’s willing to make deals with anyone to keep the government together.

LANCE

Including our new sponsors, the Sabbat!

HORSE

Yeah, about that…  the Grand Council approved the motion, and the Rebel leaders have agreed to a cease fire until these elections have gone through.

LANCE

Yeah, that and the fact that a small flotilla of ships is bound to be coming through Sarma into their area of space.

HORSE

Are you going to skip ahead of me all night or…?

LANCE

Oh, am I stepping on your newsman credentials?  (snicker)  No, it’s a brilliant move by Smythe.  In the short term, it costs him nothing.  In the long term, well… the war’s probably going to be over in six months, so if the election doesn’t go his way, he can send in the Fleet, and dictate any results he wants.  What amazes me is that the Rebels went along with it.

HORSE

The “Rebels” as you call them aren’t stupid.  As you’ve pointed out, it’s only a matter of time before Earth Fleet reaches them.  The days of seizing planets are quickly running out.

LANCE

Well, what about San Angeles?

HORSE

The Light Infantry ran out of ammo, Lance.  Let’s face it, New Tokyo was a fluke.  A combination of really bad timing by the Federation, and an alliance between the Cult and the Yasuyama family.

LANCE

Speaking of the… er, Duke of New Tokyo, can you believe half the stories that are coming out of New Tokyo?  Slicing hovertanks in half?

HORSE

Well, the Yasuyama clan are well known for being powerful mages.  It’s within the realm of possibility.

LANCE

Next you’re going to tell me they’re allied with the Horadrim, who are jumping them through time to…

HORSE

I said the realm of possibility, Lance.  That’s pure fiction.

LANCE

So you’re saying that Rebels have run out of ammo, too?

HORSE

Figuratively speaking, yes.  As long as Smythe abides by the spirit of the Ministry treaty, and people see the Federation as moving away from the Five Acts, they’re going to accept what he says.  It’s easy to occupy commercial centers and chuck rocks at Light Infantry, as long as the Fed is “evil”.  But I don’t think that the man on the street in Andersvaald sees Smythe that way.

LANCE

Well, I remember Arthur Clarke, I knew Arthur Clarke… and Joseph Smythe is no Arthur Clarke.

HORSE

(pause)  You’ve been waiting for that line all night, weren’t you?

LANCE

More or less, yeah.  But it doesn’t mean I’m wrong.  Smythe does not act like Clarke, and that’s a good thing.  As long as he does a head nod towards democracy, I think the protestors will go home.

HORSE

Which is why he was awarded the Vitek Medal for Excellence in New Madrid last night.

LANCE

Wait… that wasn’t in your headlines!

HORSE

Not a lot of people pay attention to the Vitek Medal ceremonies these days, Lance.  I figured I’d shove it in with the rest of the show.

LANCE

Speaking of shoving it in, what happened to the Bugs?  Yesterday, big black menace on our doorstep, today… pfffff!

HORSE

Many experts indicate that the mental buzzing that was reported across the Net suddenly stopped.  The Fox Institute suggests that the buzzing was in fact a mental link to the Bug Queens to get them to invade the Empire.

LANCE

I noticed how you skipped over some important parts.

HORSE

Such as?

LANCE

Who—or what—was causing the buzzing?  What were they trying to accomplish?  Why did it stop?!  Will it start again?  How ‘bout that, Mister Newsman?!

HORSE

Um… experts state that they have no answers regarding the cause of the buzzing, only that the magickal force necessary to inflict that sort of subliminal suggestion requires an immense amount of power.

LANCE

Meaning?

HORSE

Oracle.

LANCE

The software company?

HORSE

(sigh)  As in super-powerful mage.  Like Lwan Eddington, except that since he’s a Life mage, he’s disqualified.  There’s a new oracle of Mind out there.

LANCE

Great—another mage thinking he’s a god.  (angry crowd)  Er… present company excepted, of course.  Let’s skip the Battle of Epsilon story…

HORSE

Why?

LANCE

Because we don’t know how it turned out yet.  All praise to the Imperial Fleet, I’m sure, but let’s wait until we’ve got details.

HORSE

Since when have you waited for the facts before you talked about a story?

LANCE

(stage whisper)  I gotta fit in another commercial break before the end of the show.  Let’s move it along!

HORSE

Right.  So let’s talk about Van Diemen.  Popular uprising against the Empire.  You believe the Sabbat are involved?

LANCE

I never said that about our… uh, fine sponsor.  But it does seem odd that the Federation recognized a breakaway system, Imperial or not, and they signed a new Vampire law just recently.  Coincidence?

HORSE

So you’re saying that Dr. Tyler is actually a puppet of the Sabbat.

LANCE

Nah, he’s a well-known CEO of a megacorp.  But I imagine Olin Industries’ shareholders grabbed him by the neck once they realized what he was up to with their money.  Whew—I would not want to be in his shoes.  He better have powerful lawyers or an escape pod.

HORSE

Or both.  Since you already covered Sarma, shall we move on to FedBall standings?

LANCE

You know, I never took the Scyrs seriously, but they have consistently dominated the pitch in every game they’ve been in.  I’m just sad not to see them play in the Champions League this year.

HORSE

I doubt the Jurvain are going to bring out their best team with Smythe blowing up their fleet.

LANCE

Or the Horadrim, if they have enough of them to man a team.  All that fancy footwork and stretching, and they still can’t manage to score a goal.

HORSE

As for the K’Nes, although the Purrfang Cats have played in the league this year, the other Llan teams have refuse to play until they get a concession for their league rules.

LANCE

You mean flying.

HORSE

Yep.

LANCE

Look, if they allow flying, then they’ve got to allow magick, and then you can forget calling it soccer.  Then it’s quiddich!

HORSE

What?

LANCE

Sorry, old 2-D reference.  So what’s going to happen to the New Tokyo Managers?

HORSE

Relegation.

LANCE

What’s that again?

HORSE

Oh shut up.  You’re never going to let me live that down…

LANCE

Nope—hey everybody, if you’ve down at the Imperial Palace this evening, you’re seeing one of the greatest parties I’ve ever been to.  I mean, you’ve got all the nobility here, the Emperor… wait, isn’t that Lady Paolo?

HORSE

Yes, I do believe that’s Rina Paolo.

LANCE

Wasn’t she stripped of her title?  What is she doing here?  And who’s that with her?

HORSE

Don’t know.  But it seems as if the Emperor knows him…

LANCE

(scared crowd sound)  Shiba!  We got to get out of here!

HORSE

That’s the Rest of the Story with Lance Cannon.  Tune in tomorrow when Lance says…

LANCE

Turn that off!  Come on!

ANNOUNCER

And that’s the Free Net Newscast—stayed tuned for The Moo, our new talk show where four old cows bleat about men, women, and hamburgers…

(exit music)

(explosion)

 

OUTAKES

Van Dieman declares its independence from the Empire.  Their new President, Dr. John Tyler, has been declared a free state for the system.